Reposted from a guestblog post for an awesome blog, These Parents, go check it out!
I moved to San Francisco after a long weed induced haze at SMC community college. I said I’d never go to art school. I went to art school. I met Jocelyn my first year in SF, he was charming and treated me like a queen. We ended up on a cooking show together, we played footsie under the table and never looked back. We’re twelve years apart. I’m 24 and Jocelyn is 36. We follow the magic rule, divide his age by 2 and add 7ish. His mother is French and his father Bengali, we speak French and English in our house and plan to raise Lila bilingually.
We spent two years traveling the world together, something we had enjoyed doing alone until we met each other. I found comfort in being able to share my experiences with him, he was a little bit older and knew how to read a map. He never judged me, he loves me for who I am. Every piece of me from my deep scars down to that sad excuse for a tattoo on my left hip. This is the most important piece to our story.
I’m one of the few of my friends who had never fallen pregnant before. I’d been to an abortion clinic to accompany a friend to figure out her teen pregnancy issue, I’d seen how painful the ordeal can be yet I still never took birth control. I’d made plenty of bad decisions but I never had to deal with an unplanned pregnancy. I didn’t think I could get pregnant. I got pregnant.
Thank you Tulum, Mexico for our magical daughter. The Yucatan is known as an energy vortex. It has a strong electromagnetic field that was caused by a meteorite hitting the Yucatan Peninsula about 65 million years ago, and is associated with causing extinction of the dinosaurs. Unbeknownst to us, we traveled through Mexico and Cuba while our baby began to nestle herself into my heart shaped uterus. I never felt sick but my breasts felt tender, I knew something was up once we were back in San Francisco. Sure enough, it was me and my best friend at the free clinic down the street accompanied by a faint plus sign. I loved Jocelyn, my family and friends supported me in whatever decision I was going to make and I put all “what ifs” aside. I said I’d never have children. I had Lila.
I never had the pregnancy glow, I gained 60 pounds and was not a happy camper. I prayed for Lila to come at 37 weeks, I couldn’t stand being pregnant for any longer than I had to. Lila came the day I turned 37 weeks. We planned for a natural home birth with our midwife. We didn’t have a natural home birth with our midwife. My water broke and Lila was breech. UCSF tried to deliver her until she plopped her little foot down, I was wheeled into a c-section. I have a heart shaped uterus, leaving Lila little room to turn herself around. My scar isn’t that bad and the poetry of the situation is worth the forever horizontal line above my girlie parts.
The moment she was born I became a different me. I became us and we are forever changed. Everything has come pretty easily, I’m a baby-wearing-breast-feeding obsessed mama. Jocelyn is such a great father and Lila is such a great teacher. We’re all learning how to read this new map she’s created for us and I truly can not wait to discover each new magical place she takes us to. Lila will be 6 months on April 14th, it’s so redundant but time truly does fly. Our journey is just beginning and I know it will be a wild ride but I’ve got the best partner by my side. Things never end up how you think they’re going to. We’ll be traveling to Paris in two weeks and I’m so looking forward to sharing as much of the world with my daughter as we can.